What's It Like To Be a Nobody?
by OrgyMemberXVII
Summary: Organization decides to tell us what it's like being a Nobody from their most memorable memories of being Nobodies! Hi! I'm your host OrgyMemberXVII! Warning(s): Language and mentioned Yaoi
1. Xemnas- The Superior of the In-Between

What's It Like To Be a Nobody?- Xemnas (Mansex!)

The host of this story me, OrgyMemberXVII, walks onto the stage wearing an outfit with a bunch of sequins. "Oh, so you want to know what it's like to be a Nobody? Good thing for you, Organization XIII is going to show you through a series of their most memorable memories of being Nobodys! We are going to start with Xemnas. So, Manse- I mean Xemnas, what's it like to be a Nobody?" Xemnas growls at almost being called Mansex and comes onto the stage and snatches the microphone from me and glares as I walk off the stage.

For me, being a Nobody is kinda hard. I mean, I got no idea who the hell I am. And you wanna know what's even worse than not knowing who I am? My name. In case you haven't noticed, my name is a perverted anagram. I still remember the day everyone found out. It was a normal day in The World That Never Was when I noticed that Number XIII wasn't out on his mission but instead in the Grey Area, I decided to investigate.

"Number XIII! How come you aren't out on your mission?" I practically shouted. I probably shoudn't have because he jumped like ten feet in the freakin' air!

"Oh! Superior, you scared me! I finished my mission early so I thought I'd lounge around in the Grey Area until someone got back from their mission."

"Why don't you hang out with me? I'm pretty bored here without Saix."

"Awww, someone's missing his love puppy~" Number XIII teased as I snapped my head up.

"What was that XIII?"

"Nothing Superior! Nothing, I said nothing!" He said literally waving it off. Saix and I may have feelings about each other but at night if you stay up and listen closely you can hear some AkuRoku going on in the middle of the night. Yea, that's right. Axel and Roxas are doing it! Anyways, we went to the entertainment room to play with the Wii because I've never played with it before and whether I caught him in the Grey Area or not he was gonna go there either way. Some time later we stop because we were playing the bowling game and I kept losing so I got pissed and destroyed the device. After I broke it, Roxas was cuddling with its remains in the corner.

"No! My poor baby, my baby... I always thought that either Xigbar was gonna shoot you, Xaldin was gonna stab you, Vexen would take you apart, Lexaeus would smash you, Zexion would just do nothing and ignore you, Saix would through you out the window, Axel would light you on fire, Demyx would dump water on you, Luxord would gamble you away, Marluxia would turn you into something decoratrive, Larxene would stomp on you or Xion would smash you to bits with her keyblade! I never thought that Xemnas would kill you! My baby... my baby!" Taking pity on the young Nobody, I walked over to see if he was alright.

"Number XIII, are you okay?" I touched his shoulder and he just got up and looked at me with crazy eyes and I think I tried not to pee myself.

"No! You killed my baby! I'm gonna avenge him! I'll get back at you Xemmy! Just wait and see!" Roxas shouted running to his room. Later everyone returned so hopefully, with Saix by my side, I won't face Roxas' wrath alone. At dinner I noticed that everyone, especially Saix, couldn't keep a straight face. Finally I got fed up with the looks I was getting and I slammed my silverwear on the table and shot up.

"Okay! What the hell happened before now that has you all in hysterics?!"

Demyx fell out of his chair laughing.

"Oh my God! I can't breathe!" He laughed as he wheezed and crawled away. That was weird. When I woke up the next morning, all the Nobodies were in the Grey Area, seems they haven't forgotten whatever it is they are laughing about.

"Hey look guys! It's Mansex!" When they looked at me, they just kept laughing. What the hell did Axel just call me? Mansex? Oh that little piece of blond shit I call a Nobody! I am going to end his existence! I race to XIII's room to find him. When I open the door, Roxas is sleeping so peacefully that he looks really adorable, but if I wasn't so mad at him right now, I'd take a picture to get back at him. I poke Roxas and when he doesn't budge, so I push him off the bed.

"Dammit Axel! I'm still sore from last night! At least let me rest!" Roxas thinks I'm Axel and when he sees me, he smirks.

"So Mansex, how do you like my payback?"

"Like it? I hate it! How can you do this to me?"

"What goes around, comes around!" Roxas said getting dressed.

"Just tell everyone to stop calling me Mansex." I shudder at the perverted anagram of my name. I hate it as much as I hate Number XIII right now.

"You know I don't have the authority you have to stop the others from calling you that." Roxas said as he began to leave, but I grabbed his hand.

"How did you know the anagram anyways?"

"Let's just say that Mr. Nobody shouldn't guard your diary anymore." Roxas smirked as he left. What happened later? Let's just say no one willl call me Mansex ever again. Or else!


	2. Xigbar- The Freeshooter

What's It Like To Be a Nobody?- Xigbar

Orgy **_(Me: My pen name for short)_**comes back out on stage clapping and trying to contain her giggles as Xemnas walks off the stage.

"Thank you for your wonderful story Manse- I mean... er- what's his name again?... Xemnas! Next we have Xigbar telling us his most memorable memory of being a Nobody. So Xigbar, get your butt up here and tell these amazing viewers what it's like to be a Nobody!" Xigbar walks on stage being cool but eventually tripping on his foot and falling flat on his face earning a laugh from everyone including his fellow Nobodys.

* * *

For me, being a Nobody is easy! I have these bad ass powers and I have these awesome weapons and I can walk on the freaking ceiling... But the one thing I hate about my Somebody is that he used to wear an eyepatch, and guess what I got when I became a freakin' Nobody. The eyepatch! I still remember the day someone took it. I woke up in my room one morning and I did my morning routine, but when I went to grab my eyepatch, I noticed it was gone! Panicking, I checked my drawer for my spare eyepatch, but that was gone too! Great! No one's seen my eye since that bastard fought Braig (My Somebody) before he got the scar and had to start wearing the damn thing!

I decided to go to Demyx's room because I know he'd help me. Y'know, 'cuz we're friend's and all. Any ways, I went in the dude's room through a portal and I had my eye covered with my hand and Demyx was right there sleeping late as usual. I do the sane thing and wake him up by licking his nose to which he responds by waking up and falling out of bed because I scared him.

"Xigbar? What the hell are you doing? Don't you know what freaking time it is?" Okay... Demyx wasn't the person to wake up. Note: Do not wake up a Demyx early in the morning. It can and WILL get pissed.

"Whatever blondie, I need your help." Demyx gave me an evil death glare.

"With what?"

"My eye patches are missing and I need help finding them."

"Why?"

"No one's seen my right eye since I became a Nobody and when I didn't have my eyepatch. Above all, my face is not pleasant to look at when I don't have my eyepatch." Demyx laughed.

"Xiggy, a bad eye isn't something to worry about." Instead of saying something, I just showed Demyx my eye to which he responded by running to his bathroom, violently throwing up and walking back in the room.

"HOLY MOTHER OF KINGDOM HEARTS! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" Demyx screamed. See? Whenever people see my eye they scream for their mommies! That's why I wear the eye patch!

"Now you see why I always wear the eye patch! You had better help me find it!"

"Yea! That's gonna scare Roxas enough to shit himself!" I laughed as I thought about Roxas. It would be a funny sight but I was really laughing because he told everyone Xemmy's dirty secret! Mansex... Ha! We started with The Superior of the In Between's room and found nothing. Just a bunch of dirty pictures of Saix. That will make great black mail later.

Next up, since I tore my room up looking for my eye patches, we checked the Whirlwind Lancer's room. All we found in Xaldin's room were cook books, his lances, and his uniforms. Nothing good to use when I want him to make me something before dinner. Next up, The Chilly Academic's room. My eye patches aren't in Vexen's room either. Just a bunch of test tubes, notes, and a book that said "Ways to Avoid Being Sexually Harrassed by Marluxia." We did find a picture of a naked Marluxia in nothing but that crappy eye patch Mansex made me for my birthday. To be fair, I'm glad Marluxia took it because Demyx got me a basic eye patch that same year and I gave it to Flower Power Boy for his birthday since he liked it so much.

The search continued to the room of the Silent Hero . Again, my eye patches aren't in his room but all we found were a bunch of rocks. Next up, the room of the Cloaked Schemer. Zexion just had a bunch of emo stuff and books lying around. We did however find a memo saying "Get to Demyx's room by 9 tonight." I read the note aloud and Demyx blushed. i don't even want to know. Then we go into The Luna Diviner's room. Saix didn't have my eye patches but we did find a picture of him and Xemnas together on his nightstand. It's kind of sweet, but coming from Saix... that's just plain creepy.

Then my main culprit from the beginning, the Flurry of Dancing Flames. When we got in there, all we saw were his chakram, gasoline, matches, and Namine's drawings of him and Roxas. Didn't find my eye patches, though there was a note saying "Be in the Grey Area tomorrow". In fact, there were notes in the other rooms, except for mine and Demyx's, that said the same thing. What the hell ever, anyways, we searched Demyx's room and Demyx found the note too but he's going to go later.

The room I've been dreading since the search began came up. The chamber of the Gambler of Fate. we went into Luxord's room and found his cards which I took. Slippery British bastard probably stole my cards and are holding them for ransom. Next up was the Graceful Assassin's room. All we found were a bunch of flower seeds, his scythe, a book of notes titled "How to Get Close to Vexen.", and the exact same note. Next up was the Savage Nymph's room. Demyx stayed out of the room like the coward he is. Anyways, all I found were a bunch of tampons, her knives were gone, but she had gotten the note too.

Then we go into the Key of Destiny's room. All Roxas had in there were spare uniforms, a couple changes of clothes, one of his keyblade's were gone, a few pictures of him and Axel both taken with a camera and drawn by Namine, a mini fridge full of ice cream, and the note. This isn't making sense but next we go into Xion's room. Her keyblade was gone and she had a few clothes scattered around her room. Nothing. Finally we went into Namine's room. I still can't believe Xemnas was nice enough to give her a room here in the castle. When we went into her room we just saw a bunch of yaoi pictures of us on the walls and her sketch book and crayons were nowhere to be found. She had a note on her wall saying "Don't forget about tomorrow." What is so damn important that no one had the guts to tell me?! Me and Demyx then went to the Grey Area and we were surprised at what we saw.

Everyone was on these makeshift pirate ships and Xemnas and Saix were on opposing ships. Namine was in the corner probably drawing the action and everyone were split up in teams. Six people, not counting Saix, on Saix's ship and four people, not counting Xemnas, on Xemnas' ship. everyone had their weapons drawn and they were dressed up as pirates and Xemnas and Saix have my eye patches on! Seriously!

"Why the hell do Xemnas and Saix have my eye patches on?!" Namine walked over to me.

"You forgot didn't you?" She asked laughing a little.

"Forgot what?" Namine laughed as she started to explain.

"Xemnas is letting us take a long deserved break for the week and he threw in the idea of having a pirate fight for today. We had to borrow your eye patches for Xemnas and Saix to use so they could get into character as ship captains."

"If you guys needed to use my eye patches, then you could've at least left a note."

"We did. Demyx was supposed to leave it in your room. Didn't you Demyx?" Roxas said looking at Demyx who instantly remembered.

"Yeah! I left it on Xigbar's bathroom mirror. I even left the pirate clothes in his dresser." I feel so stupid now. I saw a note but I ignored it and I accidentally lost the clothes. Luckily, Xion made me a spare eye patch and there was an extra pair of pirate outfits for me and Demyx. Now, with my guns, it's pirate time! And that is what it's like being a Nobody for me!


End file.
